I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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