last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
