just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
