'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Are we still banned from the library?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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