shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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