You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
