i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
