i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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