You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
