if you like me you must not know who I am
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
