After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just had sex on a roof
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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