whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
