Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
