I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
