Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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