R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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