My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
