I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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