I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
