Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
