i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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