winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am naked and annoyed.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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