I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
