return my video game
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
