I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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