How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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