My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
sex in a hospital.. check
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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