I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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