I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
smell my finger.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
