I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
