he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
