i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
