I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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