pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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