There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
