What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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