in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
