I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
