Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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