I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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