ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
