Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
