I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
