I can tuck mytits in my pants
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
