There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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