I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
