turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Thank you for not boning my boss.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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