I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
