also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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