I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
